Today I have a lump in my throat. I’m not sure why it seems worse than the anniversary’s before or perhaps I don’t remember. But right now as I think about this, I am having a hard time catching my breath. Six years ago today I was wondering if my world would change. The doctors had warned me that there was a good chance my wife would not make it through a liver resection. They said she may die during or make it through but I would need to be prepared to make the decision concerning life support. My head was in the clouds to say the least. My wife had just had our 2nd child on the 31st of March when 3 days later we discovered she had a 22cm tumor in her liver. Our big day was here and that may be leaving me a single dad of a 2yr old and a 1 mo. old. I don’t remember what I was really thinking until they came into pre-op to give her a shot to make her go to sleep. I was told it was fast acting and to say my good byes as if they were my last. I remember not wanting them to give it to her. I remember wanting to pass out myself. But as I was saying good bye, they gave her the shot and I watched her eyes slip away. 11 hours of misery, countless Dr Peppers and a bag or two of Levi Garrett (Old bad habit that resurfaced momentarily) and it was over. The surgeon found me in the hallway and told me she pulled through and was going to be in ICU for a few days before going to the main ward for a few weeks. I remember him saying that she was not supposed to live. He said it was too big, it was not supposed to work. He was in tears when he said this. I will never forget him raising his hands showing me the size and shaking his head in disbelief. There was something more going on besides a skilled surgeon. There was someone carefully guiding his hands for an entire day. This tumor was so perfectly grown that if it was slightly bigger it would not have been able to be removed and would have forced us into a liver transplant which are questionable at best. This was Gods hand carefully and lovingly working for the good of His children. He did not give us more than we could handle. He did not break us. He lovingly cared for us and called us to Himself in trust and faith.
We are six years cancer free. Six years of life for our beautiful baby girl. Six years of health for my bride and six years of having nothing left of myself but to have faith in Gods hand in our lives. I often think that maybe I will forget about that day. That I will not get this lump in my throat but so far it still feels like yesterday. Yesterday when God saved my wife, when God comforted me and gave us a second chance to live as husband and wife and raise our beautiful babies.
Yesterday is a beautiful thing.